Inside her head
by EllieRoberts
Summary: A season 5 Isobel drabble
1. Chapter 1

Isobel sat at her writing table sighing. She had just finished her miserably limited correspondence, mostly informing people that she was not getting married after all. What was disturbing most to her though, was the fact that she wasn't sure what bothered her most; the humiliation of a cancelled engagement or the fact that she was not marrying Dickie.

He was a nice man who professed to love her, she did not want anything to do with him or his ilk in the first place but he proposed to her in such an eloquent fashion… She had thought about it, after Matthew died, she was on her own in all ways that counted and he was willing to be there.

Did she love Dickie as he loved her? Probably not but marriage at her age couldn't very well be expected to run on love and desire, or could it?

Could she look on with affection on a man who was ready to spend the rest of his day with her? Why not? He was a kind man after all.

Why was she relieved then? Why couldn't she ever say 'I love you too' on the numerous times he made his sentiments clear? Why was it that she did not miss him?

She missed her son every single day when she woke up she still saw his face. She missed her family when she went to Manchester to gather the last of his remaining papers… she missed sparring with Violet and her conversations with Richard Clarkson.

Doctor Richard Clarkson.

She was confused about this man. Sometimes he kept his distance and acted like nothing more as an acquaintance, sometimes he said things which went deeper than anything Violet or even her own son would have dared to go, yet she would never think of begrudging him that. He could make her temper boil and drive her absolutely mad when he ignored her or was being stubborn, he could be incredibly sweet too when he made an effort and made her look like a flustered little girl when he fixed her intently with a hypnotic blue gaze.

But did she love him?

She always thinks about the proposal she had turned down when she proudly told him her metaphorical plate was already full and was too proud of it to take him on too. The question which keeps whirring in her mind was 'was that the right decision?' 'would you have accepted him if you could go back?'

It was too late for that and she knew it. Still, she could not deny she was missing him - terribly.

The pen hit the desk.

She loved him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This just wouldn't leave me until it got written down- thought I'd share. I would love to hear your opinion on this and maybe...if you would like one about Richard? Let me know!<strong>


	2. Inside his head

Richard had just finished his rounds and was making his way in the hospital, parking his car directly by the back door the good doctor got his bag out and walked in. There was a time when he would have been having tea with Isobel. A bitter smile took over his facial expression as he realised that though it was a most enjoyable routine he had somehow taken it for granted and now that it was to be only a memory, he was missing it terribly.

About this time, he would have been discussing a medical journal with her pontificating whether there was anything new at all in it – whether the publishing house had paper to waste or there was something he could try on the next patient which presented with said symptoms. He might also been looking at her in amusement as she told him a silly rumour from the village or something stupid that she did like forgetting that the coat was hanging too close to the fireplace and only noticed when smoke started to come out of the damn thing. He might also have been rolling his eyes at her as she sniped at the dowager countess about some unfortunate case they were squabbling over.

Still. He would have been with her and that would have been everything.

He couldn't believe himself when he drank in his courage to propose to her – what the hell was he thinking? She was manna from heaven, an educated feisty yet adorable nurse with a heart of gold. He was just some country Scottish doctor with no title or estate. This was the way it was supposed to be, that's why there is a system. He had been a fool in believing her when she said these things did not matter to her.

Of course they mattered - great bloody deal. For she was to marry a lord now, a gentleman from London with both a title and a massive fortune and was to spend the rest of her days surrounded by the best the world had to offer and she deserved it, all of it.

'Oh Christ have mercy.' Sighed his brain as he noticed the unmistakably straight female posture clad in a violet dress, arm out, hand resting on a black stick.

"Good Morning doctor." The dowager greeted, evidently she was in a good mood, Christ did have mercy after all.

"Good Morning your ladyship, is everything all right?"

"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about something and the nurse was kind enough to let me in." she explained before tilting her head to the side "Are _you_ all right, doctor?"

This puzzled him "Yes, perfectly fine…"

"Hm…" she pursed her lips, letting him know that she did not quite believe him but she was going to let it slide for now. "Well, I'm here to discuss the matter of Isobel…"

Richard just could not take it any longer "Your Ladyship, with all due respect, what does or doesn't do is none of -"

"Your business, yes I thought you might say that but seeing your mood lately, I thought you might like to know that she is not engaged to Lord Merton."

Violet peered into his soul as she let her statement sink in for a moment.

Richard shook his head "I thought the whole thing was set. She never said anything to me…" he wasn't sure whether to leap with joy or run to Isobel demanding an explanation of why she did not inform him of this late development.

"Well yes." The dowager smiled tightly, trying not to let the inappropriate delight show – though she knew the man in front of her would be the last to judge her on it. "She did not take it as hard as I thought thankfully but she might have been too embarrassed to tell you herself and I was thinking that a visit or a call might cheer her up a bit. No good comes from letting her flying around for so long – she's like a wasp!" she finished with her classic haughty laugh. Not seeing the doctor take kindly to the name calling and knowing that the seed had been planted she got up, leaving him just enough time to open the door for her. "Yes…I must go now, good day doctor Clarkson."

"Good day, ma'am."

Violet stole a last glance and she good see – he looked like the cat that got the cream.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And this was it folks I hope you enjoyed my little trip inside their heads! let me know what you think :)<strong>


End file.
